i really like this pen. item 789-835. barcode is 73585477195. it says 'power chic'
Main:
Friends. Urdu. N. Career.
---
Rough plan:
Go to chicago.
Accomplish **N**
Summer: CELTA course in London or Ecuador ($3000)
OR Urdu course in London http://www.kcl.ac.uk/schools/humanities/depts/mlc/evening/
Fall: 15 month master's degree in elem ed at UIC
----
Sun December 6. Call people about job.
Mon December 7. Last minute packing. book flight. call bank about account. call custom built and tell them WTF is wrong with them!!
Tues December 8. Book flight on southwest.com. Arrive in chicago at 2 pm. Take bus to _____________ and put belongings there.
job in mexico:http://www.eslcafe.com/joblist/index.cgi?read=20514 inglespreparatoria@cepicacho.edu.mx
salary =$1100/month
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
how much money i have
Bank Atlantic +109
TD Bank -600
Grading and Tutoring +70
Credit Card Debt -1271.23
AMANA +123.31
Paypal +103.84
Net: -1465.08
TD Bank -600
Grading and Tutoring +70
Credit Card Debt -1271.23
AMANA +123.31
Paypal +103.84
Net: -1465.08
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I hate living in a joint family
well that is kind of harsh since i have never lived in one as a wife, but i have seen the joint family setups of my relatives, and even the ones who look happy on the outside always have some aspects that i cannot tolerate.
people usually hate on the wife for asking for her own separate house, and say "oh you should treat your in-laws like your own parents." Uhh...I wouldn't want to live with my own parents either after marriage! And I get along with them so well. I wouldn't want to live with *any* other couple, even if they were my best friends, just because of the lack of privacy. So hopefully my hubby would feel the same.
Potential conflicts in joint family:
-MIL is a housewife, DIL works--> conflict bc MIL feels DIL is neglecting the family and DIL feels deceived b/c MIL knew of her intention to work
-MIL supervises DILs cooking ---> MIL thinks she is just being nice by making sure DIL doesn't mess up/ DIL is annoyed because she can't make a meal in peace
-Son and DIL want to go alone for dinner-->MIL feels hurt that she isn't invited/DIL feels annoyed that she doesn't get any time alone (even worse--son doesn't say anything).
-MIL wants DIL to change her become more religious, or wear less american clothes -->DIL is annoyed because she is not a child--> MIL thinks DIL is disrespecting their faith
-DIL disciplines children to prevent them from getting spoiled--> MIL overpampers the kid --->Kid might turn into spoiled brat or become manipulative
-DIL leaves dishes in sink or postpones some other chores--> MIL is offended that DIL left the chore for her --> DIL annoyed that she has to do everything by her schedule, MIL thinks DIL is lazy.
-If DIL asks for help from hubby, parents in law get offended that DIL is making their son work...so wife is left to do ALL the housework in evening in addition to full-time job (either outside the home or as SAHM) during the day.
-MIL or FIL butt into arguments of DIL and son --->DIL and son are both irritated
-MIL makes snide comments and when DIL tells hubby, he blames it on her. DIL is upset that her opinion means nothing and MIL is upset that her son found out...she might get upset at DIL too.
-Basic affection! Can't kiss each other goodbye, watch a movie on the couch, or even talk about the day without having a feeling of someone watching you!
-Feeling 'monitored' at all times!
-Having to be accountable to in-laws about where you're going
These conflicts can occur very easily, and it doesn't mean one has an 'evil' mother-in-law, it would happen if any two couples had to live in the same house but it is multiplied because the son and DIL are not on the same footing in regards to the 'other couple'. So I really think joint family is 90% YUCK! And that's coming from a person who loves family and having guests over and visiting them.
Just to be fair, I'll add some positives of joint family.
-MIL can help DIL with reducing the burden of chores (*Sometimes*. Other times MIL may demand extra work)
-If DIL is foreign-born or raised, cultural guidance of MIL can be very helpful.
-MIL can help with childcare.
- MIL and FIL are not left alone and share in the happiness of the household.
I know one girl for whom joint family has worked out very well. She has the top floor of the house for herself and hubby, and she even has her own separate room for studying. She is only 20. Her MIL treats her like a daughter. She doesn't have to do any housework at all besides keeping the top floor clean. In dawats she has to help in the kitchen, so she is getting 'training' but doesn't have hassle of managing cooking with job and school. Her parents-in-law pay her tuition for school and are very helpful. The main thing is that her husband is very supportive of her and corrects anyone right away (her SILS can be mean to her). That way she doesn't ever need to say anything and look like the 'bad bahu'.
I think one good scenario would be if the boy and girl establish their own house, enjoy the honeymoon period, get to know each other, have one or two children, and then after that parents can move in. This way it's a completely different dynamic, and the husband/wife have a stronger bond at this point and perhaps have discussed how to make the best of the situation.
Anyway, the main thing for me is to have a great relationship with my in-laws, and both of us should live in a way where we feel comfortable around each other. They might feel weird around me too, most people overlook that! InshAllah...i will have a good relation with them and hub.
people usually hate on the wife for asking for her own separate house, and say "oh you should treat your in-laws like your own parents." Uhh...I wouldn't want to live with my own parents either after marriage! And I get along with them so well. I wouldn't want to live with *any* other couple, even if they were my best friends, just because of the lack of privacy. So hopefully my hubby would feel the same.
Potential conflicts in joint family:
-MIL is a housewife, DIL works--> conflict bc MIL feels DIL is neglecting the family and DIL feels deceived b/c MIL knew of her intention to work
-MIL supervises DILs cooking ---> MIL thinks she is just being nice by making sure DIL doesn't mess up/ DIL is annoyed because she can't make a meal in peace
-Son and DIL want to go alone for dinner-->MIL feels hurt that she isn't invited/DIL feels annoyed that she doesn't get any time alone (even worse--son doesn't say anything).
-MIL wants DIL to change her become more religious, or wear less american clothes -->DIL is annoyed because she is not a child--> MIL thinks DIL is disrespecting their faith
-DIL disciplines children to prevent them from getting spoiled--> MIL overpampers the kid --->Kid might turn into spoiled brat or become manipulative
-DIL leaves dishes in sink or postpones some other chores--> MIL is offended that DIL left the chore for her --> DIL annoyed that she has to do everything by her schedule, MIL thinks DIL is lazy.
-If DIL asks for help from hubby, parents in law get offended that DIL is making their son work...so wife is left to do ALL the housework in evening in addition to full-time job (either outside the home or as SAHM) during the day.
-MIL or FIL butt into arguments of DIL and son --->DIL and son are both irritated
-MIL makes snide comments and when DIL tells hubby, he blames it on her. DIL is upset that her opinion means nothing and MIL is upset that her son found out...she might get upset at DIL too.
-Basic affection! Can't kiss each other goodbye, watch a movie on the couch, or even talk about the day without having a feeling of someone watching you!
-Feeling 'monitored' at all times!
-Having to be accountable to in-laws about where you're going
These conflicts can occur very easily, and it doesn't mean one has an 'evil' mother-in-law, it would happen if any two couples had to live in the same house but it is multiplied because the son and DIL are not on the same footing in regards to the 'other couple'. So I really think joint family is 90% YUCK! And that's coming from a person who loves family and having guests over and visiting them.
Just to be fair, I'll add some positives of joint family.
-MIL can help DIL with reducing the burden of chores (*Sometimes*. Other times MIL may demand extra work)
-If DIL is foreign-born or raised, cultural guidance of MIL can be very helpful.
-MIL can help with childcare.
- MIL and FIL are not left alone and share in the happiness of the household.
I know one girl for whom joint family has worked out very well. She has the top floor of the house for herself and hubby, and she even has her own separate room for studying. She is only 20. Her MIL treats her like a daughter. She doesn't have to do any housework at all besides keeping the top floor clean. In dawats she has to help in the kitchen, so she is getting 'training' but doesn't have hassle of managing cooking with job and school. Her parents-in-law pay her tuition for school and are very helpful. The main thing is that her husband is very supportive of her and corrects anyone right away (her SILS can be mean to her). That way she doesn't ever need to say anything and look like the 'bad bahu'.
I think one good scenario would be if the boy and girl establish their own house, enjoy the honeymoon period, get to know each other, have one or two children, and then after that parents can move in. This way it's a completely different dynamic, and the husband/wife have a stronger bond at this point and perhaps have discussed how to make the best of the situation.
Anyway, the main thing for me is to have a great relationship with my in-laws, and both of us should live in a way where we feel comfortable around each other. They might feel weird around me too, most people overlook that! InshAllah...i will have a good relation with them and hub.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monetizing Motherhood and Marriage
Oooh, I love my title. Anyway, these days a dollar price can be put on virtually anything, so i decided to do the same for marriage. I remember this being done in the news a few years ago, but it was really unrealistic; they basically added up the salaries of a driver, chef, tutor, etc to get the final figure.
I'm trying to give the absolute minimum values for each 'service' provided. For example, under 'nanny services', i only accounted for a workday of 8-6, even though realistically, a mother often has to 'work' in the evening and overnight. I didn't want it to seem like I was trying to inflate figures. Obviously, these aren't official, just for fun.
HUSBAND offers:
1.Rent&utilities-$500/month (cost of 1 bedroom apartment/2)
2.Groceries- $100/month ($300/3)
3.Cell phone bill -$40/month
4.Sperm donation-$50 per pregnancy
5. Round trip airfare- $2000/year
6. Used car like Toyota- $5000 one time cost
7. Auto insurance- $2000/year (wife has own car)
8. Health insurance- $2000/year
9. Gas expenses- $1200/year
So assuming one year, the cost would be $6000 rent+$1200 groceries+$480 cell phone+$50 'donation' (lol) +$2000 airfare+$5000 car+2000 car ins+2000 health ins+1200 gas = $19,930
Since a car is not bought every year, the cost would be $14,930/year.
WIFE offers:
1.Housekeeping-deep clean 4 times a month - $400. There is no charge given here for light daily cleaning like dishes, since that comes under the 'nanny' section.
2.Egg donation --$8000 per pregnancy.
3.Surrogacy -$23,000 per pregnancy.
4.Wet Nurse Services- $1000/week for actual nursing, $700/week for milk from a milk bank. Source: http://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/marie-claire/features/society-celeb/article/-/5886111/wet-nurses-the-latest-a-list-accessory/
5. Nanny Services. The cost of having a nanny from 8-6 7 days a week at $12/hour would be $3600/month. The assumption is that duties are shared on the weekend. This figure includes services such as doing laundry, cooking during the day, driving and light housekeeping related to the children; since a normal nanny would do all these duties.
6. Cooking Services. The average chef in an average restaurant gets paid about $10/hour. If we assign the same cost to the wife's labor, and assume she cooks 5 days out of 7, the cost is $200 a month. For breakfast and lunch, we are assuming that husband makes his own and we're not including dinner parties.
The monetary value of services provided here depends a lot on the reproductive status of the Wife. some figures:
A year where woman is stay-at-home but as no child:
$4800 housecleaning+$2400 cook service= $7200
A year where woman is working and gets a maid and orders takeout.
still $7200 since she still has to pay someone else for those services. If a stay at home mom with no kids does this, then it's zero.
A year where woman is pregnant and has her baby in month 9:
$4800 housecleaning+$8000 egg donor+$23,000 surrogacy+$12,000 for 3 months breastfeeding+$10,800 for 3 months of nannying+$2400 for cook service=$61,000
A year where woman has children at home but not pregnant or breastfeeding:
$4800 housecleaning+ $43,200 for 12 months nannying+$2400 cooking=$50,400
INTANGIBLES given mutually:
These things don't have a monetary value; some people would say they are 'priceless'.
-Companionship
-Love
-Lovingzzz (yes some people might call it prostitution, but i think that's crude, since in marriage, it should be a mutual thing)
---
To make it more 'even'
Woman could be a work-outside-the-home mom and pay all her own bills
Housekeeping could be exactly 50/50
Egg/sperm donation could be considered an even exchange (maybe i should remove them in the other calcs too)?
Kid could be on formula rather than breast milk or milk could be bought
Kid could go to nanny
Food could be ordered from outside
Then everything would be even, other than the big task of pregnancy. In countries where women don't work, the guy's income is a huge deal, since the girl would never be able to provide for herself after marriage and kids. Obviously nannies and daycares are not popular in those countries (i don't think any even exist in Pakistan) so after kids, it is very necessary for her husband to be able to earn. So over there, the marriages are mostly out of income concerns rather than a companionship type thing.
In the States, money matters too. Wealthy women usually like to marry a guy as successful as themselves. However, the importance of money to a potential wife is reduced a lot since she is earning herself, and then companionship and romantic compatibility carry a greater weight.
However, despite people marrying for 'love' nowadays, I'm surprised that old school attitudes towards money persist. Men often treat their wife like a child rather than an equal partner just because she is not earning. Like they'll stay stuff like, "oh you spent $5 at starbucks, you could've made chai at home". These men would definitely not question a nanny for spending $5; why are they questioning their wife? Shouldn't they be more lenient and generous with the mother of their child? I hope wives of cheap guys can make them realize this.
I'm trying to give the absolute minimum values for each 'service' provided. For example, under 'nanny services', i only accounted for a workday of 8-6, even though realistically, a mother often has to 'work' in the evening and overnight. I didn't want it to seem like I was trying to inflate figures. Obviously, these aren't official, just for fun.
HUSBAND offers:
1.Rent&utilities-$500/month (cost of 1 bedroom apartment/2)
2.Groceries- $100/month ($300/3)
3.Cell phone bill -$40/month
4.Sperm donation-$50 per pregnancy
5. Round trip airfare- $2000/year
6. Used car like Toyota- $5000 one time cost
7. Auto insurance- $2000/year (wife has own car)
8. Health insurance- $2000/year
9. Gas expenses- $1200/year
So assuming one year, the cost would be $6000 rent+$1200 groceries+$480 cell phone+$50 'donation' (lol) +$2000 airfare+$5000 car+2000 car ins+2000 health ins+1200 gas = $19,930
Since a car is not bought every year, the cost would be $14,930/year.
WIFE offers:
1.Housekeeping-deep clean 4 times a month - $400. There is no charge given here for light daily cleaning like dishes, since that comes under the 'nanny' section.
2.Egg donation --$8000 per pregnancy.
3.Surrogacy -$23,000 per pregnancy.
4.Wet Nurse Services- $1000/week for actual nursing, $700/week for milk from a milk bank. Source: http://au.lifestyle.yahoo.com/marie-claire/features/society-celeb/article/-/5886111/wet-nurses-the-latest-a-list-accessory/
5. Nanny Services. The cost of having a nanny from 8-6 7 days a week at $12/hour would be $3600/month. The assumption is that duties are shared on the weekend. This figure includes services such as doing laundry, cooking during the day, driving and light housekeeping related to the children; since a normal nanny would do all these duties.
6. Cooking Services. The average chef in an average restaurant gets paid about $10/hour. If we assign the same cost to the wife's labor, and assume she cooks 5 days out of 7, the cost is $200 a month. For breakfast and lunch, we are assuming that husband makes his own and we're not including dinner parties.
The monetary value of services provided here depends a lot on the reproductive status of the Wife. some figures:
A year where woman is stay-at-home but as no child:
$4800 housecleaning+$2400 cook service= $7200
A year where woman is working and gets a maid and orders takeout.
still $7200 since she still has to pay someone else for those services. If a stay at home mom with no kids does this, then it's zero.
A year where woman is pregnant and has her baby in month 9:
$4800 housecleaning+$8000 egg donor+$23,000 surrogacy+$12,000 for 3 months breastfeeding+$10,800 for 3 months of nannying+$2400 for cook service=$61,000
A year where woman has children at home but not pregnant or breastfeeding:
$4800 housecleaning+ $43,200 for 12 months nannying+$2400 cooking=$50,400
INTANGIBLES given mutually:
These things don't have a monetary value; some people would say they are 'priceless'.
-Companionship
-Love
-Lovingzzz (yes some people might call it prostitution, but i think that's crude, since in marriage, it should be a mutual thing)
---
To make it more 'even'
Woman could be a work-outside-the-home mom and pay all her own bills
Housekeeping could be exactly 50/50
Egg/sperm donation could be considered an even exchange (maybe i should remove them in the other calcs too)?
Kid could be on formula rather than breast milk or milk could be bought
Kid could go to nanny
Food could be ordered from outside
Then everything would be even, other than the big task of pregnancy. In countries where women don't work, the guy's income is a huge deal, since the girl would never be able to provide for herself after marriage and kids. Obviously nannies and daycares are not popular in those countries (i don't think any even exist in Pakistan) so after kids, it is very necessary for her husband to be able to earn. So over there, the marriages are mostly out of income concerns rather than a companionship type thing.
In the States, money matters too. Wealthy women usually like to marry a guy as successful as themselves. However, the importance of money to a potential wife is reduced a lot since she is earning herself, and then companionship and romantic compatibility carry a greater weight.
However, despite people marrying for 'love' nowadays, I'm surprised that old school attitudes towards money persist. Men often treat their wife like a child rather than an equal partner just because she is not earning. Like they'll stay stuff like, "oh you spent $5 at starbucks, you could've made chai at home". These men would definitely not question a nanny for spending $5; why are they questioning their wife? Shouldn't they be more lenient and generous with the mother of their child? I hope wives of cheap guys can make them realize this.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Assimilation or isolation?
I think there are three choices for Pakistanis living in the West.
1. Remain mostly isolated from non-Pakistanis, only socializing with them at school or work. All close friends are Pakistanis or 'at least', other desis or Muslims. --most immigrants do this.
2. Socialize with both Pakistanis and non-Pakistanis but maintain a separate 'personality' around both. ---This is what most ABCDs seem to do.
3. Assimilate into Western society, retaining a few cultural 'artifacts' like clothing or food.--the children of ABCDs will probably do this.
4. Me--isolated from Pakistanis due to location and non-Pakistanis due to cultural difference and parental controls.
The thing is, growing up here, I couldn't go out with any friends on the weekends. The only time I went outside was to desi 'dawats'. Even if I could, I guess I wouldn't have much in common with anyone. After all, I didn't watch movies (since i found most 'haram' at the time), i didn't know anything about music, and i didn't have money to even go out to restaurants with other people. And I couldn't go to the school dance obviously. Not that I wanted to, but my point is that desi norms are really maladapted to American society. I think parents don't understand how isolating it is to go through all of high school without being able to hang out with another person outside of school. I mean, all the American friends are upsetting to Pakistani parents, but if a person is living in a town with only white people, this means that there is no socialization possible for the majority of the year. On the weekends, we used to drive far distances to meet other Pakistanis. Most of them had figured out how to live a double life. But this feels dishonest. I didn't do this. Many white people were really nice to me, invited me to basketball games, to hang out, etc. but daddy never let me. One time I went, and he was completely out of control. So I resigned myself to not going and basically I became a loner. But not a shy loner. A weird type...outgoing, friendly...yet still alone all the time.
I am happy I live in the States, because I've gotten a lot of opportunities here, but I really wish I lived in a place with majority Pakistanis now. I used to have a great rapport with my white friends at work, but due to not being able to socialize enough with them in my formative teen years, I still feel more comfortable around other ABCDs or FOBs. It's a very small subset of people to feel comfortable around and it almost seems unnatural.
I guess I sound really 'ABCD' here...but I really don't want to raise my kids this way. Now I'm 'grown up' and even though there are thousands of people my age around me, whenever I hang out with them it always gets weird because of the cultural difference. Inevitably, everyone my age wants to go clubbing or out to a bar for a few drinks. But I don't go clubbing or drink...and i'm not looking for a boyfriend either...so i end up erasing a lot of potential common ground with ppl my age. I think in places like Toronto people don't feel this 'ABCDness' as acutely, because they are surrounded by other Pakistani people, but here I'm the only desi for miles and miles.
I just want someone to go out to coffee with, go shopping, go to a restaurant, gym, etc. but it's hard to find. I think people want a friend who ideally can accompany them in all social situations. I know I am lacking since I have a strict curfew and I don't drink or dance. Only other desis and Muslims understand that I can't be out at 3 am. But where am I going to meet someone like this 'naturally' when they don't live here?
All I want is a group of friends who understand my situation, who could spend time with me, who could dance on my mehndi, and help with stuff. I am trying to apply out of state for a master's degree. Sure I can do it here, or even online, but inside, I really want to do a degree for the opportunity to make some lifelong friends. I don't know what this life is without friends. I hate my dad's artificial exterior...he has tons of acquaintances who like him, but no one is his close friend. I feel like his strict rules have made me into that same person. But I am not that personality. I don't want to be a respected but aloof person...I want to be a kind person with a lot of friends. I feel I am kind...but a loner :(
1. Remain mostly isolated from non-Pakistanis, only socializing with them at school or work. All close friends are Pakistanis or 'at least', other desis or Muslims. --most immigrants do this.
2. Socialize with both Pakistanis and non-Pakistanis but maintain a separate 'personality' around both. ---This is what most ABCDs seem to do.
3. Assimilate into Western society, retaining a few cultural 'artifacts' like clothing or food.--the children of ABCDs will probably do this.
4. Me--isolated from Pakistanis due to location and non-Pakistanis due to cultural difference and parental controls.
The thing is, growing up here, I couldn't go out with any friends on the weekends. The only time I went outside was to desi 'dawats'. Even if I could, I guess I wouldn't have much in common with anyone. After all, I didn't watch movies (since i found most 'haram' at the time), i didn't know anything about music, and i didn't have money to even go out to restaurants with other people. And I couldn't go to the school dance obviously. Not that I wanted to, but my point is that desi norms are really maladapted to American society. I think parents don't understand how isolating it is to go through all of high school without being able to hang out with another person outside of school. I mean, all the American friends are upsetting to Pakistani parents, but if a person is living in a town with only white people, this means that there is no socialization possible for the majority of the year. On the weekends, we used to drive far distances to meet other Pakistanis. Most of them had figured out how to live a double life. But this feels dishonest. I didn't do this. Many white people were really nice to me, invited me to basketball games, to hang out, etc. but daddy never let me. One time I went, and he was completely out of control. So I resigned myself to not going and basically I became a loner. But not a shy loner. A weird type...outgoing, friendly...yet still alone all the time.
I am happy I live in the States, because I've gotten a lot of opportunities here, but I really wish I lived in a place with majority Pakistanis now. I used to have a great rapport with my white friends at work, but due to not being able to socialize enough with them in my formative teen years, I still feel more comfortable around other ABCDs or FOBs. It's a very small subset of people to feel comfortable around and it almost seems unnatural.
I guess I sound really 'ABCD' here...but I really don't want to raise my kids this way. Now I'm 'grown up' and even though there are thousands of people my age around me, whenever I hang out with them it always gets weird because of the cultural difference. Inevitably, everyone my age wants to go clubbing or out to a bar for a few drinks. But I don't go clubbing or drink...and i'm not looking for a boyfriend either...so i end up erasing a lot of potential common ground with ppl my age. I think in places like Toronto people don't feel this 'ABCDness' as acutely, because they are surrounded by other Pakistani people, but here I'm the only desi for miles and miles.
I just want someone to go out to coffee with, go shopping, go to a restaurant, gym, etc. but it's hard to find. I think people want a friend who ideally can accompany them in all social situations. I know I am lacking since I have a strict curfew and I don't drink or dance. Only other desis and Muslims understand that I can't be out at 3 am. But where am I going to meet someone like this 'naturally' when they don't live here?
All I want is a group of friends who understand my situation, who could spend time with me, who could dance on my mehndi, and help with stuff. I am trying to apply out of state for a master's degree. Sure I can do it here, or even online, but inside, I really want to do a degree for the opportunity to make some lifelong friends. I don't know what this life is without friends. I hate my dad's artificial exterior...he has tons of acquaintances who like him, but no one is his close friend. I feel like his strict rules have made me into that same person. But I am not that personality. I don't want to be a respected but aloof person...I want to be a kind person with a lot of friends. I feel I am kind...but a loner :(
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
ideal guy
obviously wouldn't be this picky in real life..but just to write it out.
1.Religion- Not too religious or too liberal. not the type who says birthdays are bidat, mehndis are bidat, short sleeves are bad, etc. but not the type who drinks either
2.Looks--taller than me in heels, on the slim side, average complexion. and a sharp nose looks really attractive..but it's a weird thing to like...i wud wither in shame if anyone knew i like this weird feature lol
3.Location--doesnt matter but must have spent a few years abroad so we have some experiences in common. I can settle in US, Canada, UK, UAE, etc. for the right person...it is not a big deal for me. Actually I am interested in moving out of my state so I'd prefer not to settle here.
4. Wife working-OK with wife pursuing education or working outside home after marriage.
5.Wife stay at home- if i stay at home after marriage, wouldn't call it "just sitting around at home all day". Would respect it like any other 'outside the home' job.
6. Chores-- he can't be like A & H!! they are soo annoying. leaving beard hair and water all over the counter, dirty dishes under the sofa, etc. i am not even super picky, i leave bed unmade and clothes in the laundry basket, but those things don't affect other people. it's not just a matter of picking up dishes, it's just being inconsiderate because it means you don't even have consideration for other people's time. oh god this annoys me so much...seriously...i would rather have a hubby make 100k vs 200k rather than have one that is a slob.
7. hygiene- if he smells offensive like A, it doesn't matter about the other personality traits, he's out! A guy doesn't need cologne or anything fancy, simply BEING CLEAN is nice. he should have clean hair (no greasy smelly hair), clean nails (no super long nails with tons of black stuff under them), and he should definitely brush his teeth at night. Tongue scraper and floss is a bonus but i can't ask that. He doesn't have to have a colgate smile, just no nasty black lines in his teeth or loose gums like ppl in Pakistan have.
8. Admits mistakes and apologizes. Not grudgy.
9. Straightforward, doesn't give the silent treatment for two months and expect me to figure out what's going on.
10. No addictions like computers, dungeons and dragons, girls, alcohol, etc.
11.Social skills-- it's ok if he's a little bit shy, but he shouldn't be the type of guy who can't carry a convo, hates it when mehmaan come over, who can't stand having relatives stay in the house, etc.
12.Space- No clingy insecure types. if he's the type who gets jealous or mopey if i go out for an evening alone or for a week to my parents house, that is not cool. I would give him the same space too, if he wants to go for a weekend fishing or whatever, or wants me to leave the house when his friends come over, it doesn't bother me. if he friends his girl cousin on facebook, i am not going to launch an investigation. i don't think spouses should suffocate each other. Also doesn't call me every hour (but is still caring and loving).
13.Money (joint or separate accounts)--not sure about this. 2 working spouses can have a joint account and then their own separate accounts, however mom has a separate account and daddy becomes very cheap sometimes...he gets insecure even if mom has $200 in her account and hides his card. and we can't even say anything cuz then he'll be like "i pay the rent". so mom doesn't save any of her paycheck, it is depleted every month and then dad's card is used which i think is not nice at all. but mom doesn't care, she is very generous with her money.
hopefully my husband won't be like dad in this regard. with a good spouse, we could have a joint account and we wouldn't question each other's purchases. especially as a SAHM, it would be really annoying to spend, say, $20 on a shirt and then have it questioned...it would make me feel like a child. maybe i would ask for a small 'stipend' for myself so i won't feel weird buying gifts for hubby from a 'joint account'. i rem when we were little, when we bought gifts for father's day, daddy used to just say "oh u got it from my account anyway, just return it"...i don't think that's nice. so if i'm sahm, separate account.
14.Money (attitudes)--i'm the type of person who likes to save money, buy things on clearance, drive cheap cars, dry my clothes outside, etc. but i splurge on food, travel and gifts. it's ok if the hubby is different (eg. loves fashion, fancy cars, etc) as long as we save a little bit of our income each month. Not the type who has creditors calling every month.
15. ABCD or FOB- I like ABCDs because they have a more egalitarian view of things, for example, they don't mind helping out around the house. Also, their moms are a lot more understanding since their own daughters are like me. And they probably work themselves so they usually don't have unrealistic desi-style expectations of their bahu. But I love how FOBs (not the fresh ones, more like the ones who've been here a decade) are able to fit in perfectly with both 'worlds'. also, they seem to have more drive and ambition. ugh.. my ideal would be a fob who has been here long enough that he helps out, isn't controlling, and doesn't want joint family setup.
16. Visa- it would be super annoying to get married and then wait 3, 4 years for visa or whatever to clear. sponsorship is ok but i don't wanna marry a guy who can't even enter the US.
17. Joint family- even next door is ok, but same house definitely not!
18. Compatible mom- i think the mom is most important in having a happy relation with the family so I want her to be like a good friend or aunt, not someone i feel awkward around. Basically someone like S's MIL (or i guess, my image of her)...she seems very reasonable, easy to talk to, and level headed and said from the outset that she raised her children to be independent and while they are close, she wants them to live in their own house. I found her not to be very girly and a little brusque before, but now I find her perfect. :)
19. Not too 'gushy'- most girls usually gush over a guy who texts them every hour but that would annoy me...i don't like the overly effusive guys either who are like "love you xoxoxkiskisksi" in every sentence. mooshiness is ok but i always see the slutty girls being the most verbal about their love. i thin real love is the type that one can sense just sitting together or by caring things you do.
Rating for M:
++same level of religious practice, compatible height, location is ok, ok with sahm, neat, good hygiene, not grudgy, not addicted to computers, gives me space, really caring, seems generous with money, balanced between ABCD and FOB, not gushy but really loving.
-- iffy about wife working after kids, not a conversationalist, visa problem for the last 3 years, seems pampered so won't do chores, he wants to live in joint family, and has a really sheltered mom. the biggest negative, BY FAR, is the joint family thing...i feel ehhh inside when i think of it. i try to get happy for him, but i've never really liked the idea. maybe will write a post about why later...
1.Religion- Not too religious or too liberal. not the type who says birthdays are bidat, mehndis are bidat, short sleeves are bad, etc. but not the type who drinks either
2.Looks--taller than me in heels, on the slim side, average complexion. and a sharp nose looks really attractive..but it's a weird thing to like...i wud wither in shame if anyone knew i like this weird feature lol
3.Location--doesnt matter but must have spent a few years abroad so we have some experiences in common. I can settle in US, Canada, UK, UAE, etc. for the right person...it is not a big deal for me. Actually I am interested in moving out of my state so I'd prefer not to settle here.
4. Wife working-OK with wife pursuing education or working outside home after marriage.
5.Wife stay at home- if i stay at home after marriage, wouldn't call it "just sitting around at home all day". Would respect it like any other 'outside the home' job.
6. Chores-- he can't be like A & H!! they are soo annoying. leaving beard hair and water all over the counter, dirty dishes under the sofa, etc. i am not even super picky, i leave bed unmade and clothes in the laundry basket, but those things don't affect other people. it's not just a matter of picking up dishes, it's just being inconsiderate because it means you don't even have consideration for other people's time. oh god this annoys me so much...seriously...i would rather have a hubby make 100k vs 200k rather than have one that is a slob.
7. hygiene- if he smells offensive like A, it doesn't matter about the other personality traits, he's out! A guy doesn't need cologne or anything fancy, simply BEING CLEAN is nice. he should have clean hair (no greasy smelly hair), clean nails (no super long nails with tons of black stuff under them), and he should definitely brush his teeth at night. Tongue scraper and floss is a bonus but i can't ask that. He doesn't have to have a colgate smile, just no nasty black lines in his teeth or loose gums like ppl in Pakistan have.
8. Admits mistakes and apologizes. Not grudgy.
9. Straightforward, doesn't give the silent treatment for two months and expect me to figure out what's going on.
10. No addictions like computers, dungeons and dragons, girls, alcohol, etc.
11.Social skills-- it's ok if he's a little bit shy, but he shouldn't be the type of guy who can't carry a convo, hates it when mehmaan come over, who can't stand having relatives stay in the house, etc.
12.Space- No clingy insecure types. if he's the type who gets jealous or mopey if i go out for an evening alone or for a week to my parents house, that is not cool. I would give him the same space too, if he wants to go for a weekend fishing or whatever, or wants me to leave the house when his friends come over, it doesn't bother me. if he friends his girl cousin on facebook, i am not going to launch an investigation. i don't think spouses should suffocate each other. Also doesn't call me every hour (but is still caring and loving).
13.Money (joint or separate accounts)--not sure about this. 2 working spouses can have a joint account and then their own separate accounts, however mom has a separate account and daddy becomes very cheap sometimes...he gets insecure even if mom has $200 in her account and hides his card. and we can't even say anything cuz then he'll be like "i pay the rent". so mom doesn't save any of her paycheck, it is depleted every month and then dad's card is used which i think is not nice at all. but mom doesn't care, she is very generous with her money.
hopefully my husband won't be like dad in this regard. with a good spouse, we could have a joint account and we wouldn't question each other's purchases. especially as a SAHM, it would be really annoying to spend, say, $20 on a shirt and then have it questioned...it would make me feel like a child. maybe i would ask for a small 'stipend' for myself so i won't feel weird buying gifts for hubby from a 'joint account'. i rem when we were little, when we bought gifts for father's day, daddy used to just say "oh u got it from my account anyway, just return it"...i don't think that's nice. so if i'm sahm, separate account.
14.Money (attitudes)--i'm the type of person who likes to save money, buy things on clearance, drive cheap cars, dry my clothes outside, etc. but i splurge on food, travel and gifts. it's ok if the hubby is different (eg. loves fashion, fancy cars, etc) as long as we save a little bit of our income each month. Not the type who has creditors calling every month.
15. ABCD or FOB- I like ABCDs because they have a more egalitarian view of things, for example, they don't mind helping out around the house. Also, their moms are a lot more understanding since their own daughters are like me. And they probably work themselves so they usually don't have unrealistic desi-style expectations of their bahu. But I love how FOBs (not the fresh ones, more like the ones who've been here a decade) are able to fit in perfectly with both 'worlds'. also, they seem to have more drive and ambition. ugh.. my ideal would be a fob who has been here long enough that he helps out, isn't controlling, and doesn't want joint family setup.
16. Visa- it would be super annoying to get married and then wait 3, 4 years for visa or whatever to clear. sponsorship is ok but i don't wanna marry a guy who can't even enter the US.
17. Joint family- even next door is ok, but same house definitely not!
18. Compatible mom- i think the mom is most important in having a happy relation with the family so I want her to be like a good friend or aunt, not someone i feel awkward around. Basically someone like S's MIL (or i guess, my image of her)...she seems very reasonable, easy to talk to, and level headed and said from the outset that she raised her children to be independent and while they are close, she wants them to live in their own house. I found her not to be very girly and a little brusque before, but now I find her perfect. :)
19. Not too 'gushy'- most girls usually gush over a guy who texts them every hour but that would annoy me...i don't like the overly effusive guys either who are like "love you xoxoxkiskisksi" in every sentence. mooshiness is ok but i always see the slutty girls being the most verbal about their love. i thin real love is the type that one can sense just sitting together or by caring things you do.
Rating for M:
++same level of religious practice, compatible height, location is ok, ok with sahm, neat, good hygiene, not grudgy, not addicted to computers, gives me space, really caring, seems generous with money, balanced between ABCD and FOB, not gushy but really loving.
-- iffy about wife working after kids, not a conversationalist, visa problem for the last 3 years, seems pampered so won't do chores, he wants to live in joint family, and has a really sheltered mom. the biggest negative, BY FAR, is the joint family thing...i feel ehhh inside when i think of it. i try to get happy for him, but i've never really liked the idea. maybe will write a post about why later...
Monday, October 26, 2009
CELTA
London
airfare $750
course $1630 (language link £960. wlc £975, oxford £880, saxon£950, stanton £824)
accomodation at £20 a dayx 30 days=£600 $978
food $142
TOTAL =$3500
------------------------------
Spain
valencia http://www.campbellcollege.com/default.asp?id=4&mnu=4
airfare $700
course €1,470--$2184
accomodation 300€ --$446
food 450€ --$670
TOTAL= $4000
sevilla
airfare $700
course 1490 €--$2215
accomodation 520 €--$775
food 450€ --$670
TOTAL =$4360
--------------------
Ecuador
http://www.celtaecuador.com/southern-cross/course-dates-locations-&-cost/
airfare $300
course+accomodation+food $2000
TOTAL =$2300
------------------
Mexico
http://www.cactustefl.com/tefl/course.php?course_id=1701#applynow
course $1795
accomodation $600 (shared room, no food)
food $300
airfare $200
total= $2895
http://www.ihrivieramaya.com/celta/course-information.html
Same as above
------
Scotland
Starts Nov 16
basilpaterson.co.uk
$1440/£975 course
$648/£440 acco (
$148 /£100 food
$800 air
total =$3036
airfare $750
course $1630 (language link £960. wlc £975, oxford £880, saxon£950, stanton £824)
accomodation at £20 a dayx 30 days=£600 $978
food $142
TOTAL =$3500
------------------------------
Spain
valencia http://www.campbellcollege.com/default.asp?id=4&mnu=4
airfare $700
course €1,470--$2184
accomodation 300€ --$446
food 450€ --$670
TOTAL= $4000
sevilla
airfare $700
course 1490 €--$2215
accomodation 520 €--$775
food 450€ --$670
TOTAL =$4360
--------------------
Ecuador
http://www.celtaecuador.com/southern-cross/course-dates-locations-&-cost/
airfare $300
course+accomodation+food $2000
TOTAL =$2300
------------------
Mexico
http://www.cactustefl.com/tefl/course.php?course_id=1701#applynow
course $1795
accomodation $600 (shared room, no food)
food $300
airfare $200
total= $2895
http://www.ihrivieramaya.com/celta/course-information.html
Same as above
------
Scotland
Starts Nov 16
basilpaterson.co.uk
$1440/£975 course
$648/£440 acco (
$148 /£100 food
$800 air
total =$3036
Friday, October 23, 2009
theshapeofamother.com
ok i went on this site and it freaked me out looking at post partum bellies! i guess it's a sad thing, but now that i think about it, i am not used to those bellies at all. i used to think that as long as women worked out and ate well, their stomach would look decent afterwards. But even the teenage moms (who have the best elasticity) have really distorted stomachs. I mean, OBVIOUSLY, they would given that they had another HUMAN in their belly for almost a year but i didn't think of it. i just thought a person could do a lot of situps or something and it would be good. If im a woman and acting shocked at these pics, then imagine how guys feel...i feel so bad thinking of a husband, already tired of his wife being preg for months, and then he sees the post-preg body and he's disappointed...arghh...im gonna try to show my hubby pics like this in advance so he doesn't have inflated expectations.
a 17 yr old girl: http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/a-mothers-body-at-a-young-age-anonymous/
a lady with 4 kids: http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/my-body-is-wrecked-elizabeth/
22 yo mom with twin boys: http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/22-years-old-three-beautiful-kids-andree/
sz 0 to 5 no stretchmarks but pooch http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/from-size-0-to-5-nancy/
A NICE BOD POST PARTUM http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/update-3-months-after-delivering-a-baby-boy-anonymous/comment-page-1/#comment-15624
anyway if i have a kid, i don't care if i gain weight bc his health is more important than my looks. plus i don't like those obsessive scrawny moms. but i would feel bad if hubby was grossed out by a stretchmark or something.
a 17 yr old girl: http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/a-mothers-body-at-a-young-age-anonymous/
a lady with 4 kids: http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/my-body-is-wrecked-elizabeth/
22 yo mom with twin boys: http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/22-years-old-three-beautiful-kids-andree/
sz 0 to 5 no stretchmarks but pooch http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/from-size-0-to-5-nancy/
A NICE BOD POST PARTUM http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/update-3-months-after-delivering-a-baby-boy-anonymous/comment-page-1/#comment-15624
anyway if i have a kid, i don't care if i gain weight bc his health is more important than my looks. plus i don't like those obsessive scrawny moms. but i would feel bad if hubby was grossed out by a stretchmark or something.
My ideal life at 50
At 50, I would still be very youthful, vibrant, and content with my life. I would have a caring husband and four well adjusted, healthy kids. Hopefully two of them would be in college by this time. I don't want to have little elementary school kids at this age, it's better if menopause and their angsty years don't coincide! The schedule would be everyone at school/work during the day, and in the evening i would make dinner, talk to the kids, and do house errands. Or perhaps i'd be efficient and set one day aside. I'm not sure if my in-laws live with us in this picture; if they do, we need a bigger house. Hopefully my job would have some 'giving back' aspect to it. In the summers...well i want to marry a fob..so we could take trips to Pakistan lol...but probably we would go to weddings.
At 40, my kids would be in elementary or junior high. Because if they're in high school, i'd have to make a kid now. :P When they are more independent, I can devote more time to the community. Perhaps I'd have a part-time nanny from Pakistan, so my kids can learn Urdu from her, and also I could get a break to shop, go to gym, etc.
---
an example schedule:
26-30 schooling/travel/make friends/learn skills
age 29.0 expecting #1
age 29.9 baby
30.9 baby #1 is 12 months old. expecting #2
31.6 baby #2 born, baby 1 is 21 months old
32.6 baby #1 is 2 years 9 months, and baby #2 is 1.
33.9 baby #1 is 4 years old. Can start preschool. baby #2 is 2 years 3 mo old.
35.9 baby #1 is 6 years old. Can start preschool. baby #2 is 4 years 3 mo old (both are in school)
so if i want to be SAHM with kids until they start school, i would have to be SAHM for 6 years. EEkk...total career killer...then i'd have to be SAHM for the rest of my life...which is dumb because i will have nothing to do but wait for kids to come home.
added: i found out if i live in dubai, school starts from "KG-1" meaning Age 3. And they have Pakistani schools too. So at age 34.6, I could send both kids to school, so I would only have to stay home for 4 years 9 months.
Hmm...still a pretty big gap. And then if I want two more kids, I would have to stay home even longer. Those early years are so important, i definitely want to stay home, but i wish those few years of dedication didn't mean a whole lifetime of career dead. hmm...thinking..
At 40, my kids would be in elementary or junior high. Because if they're in high school, i'd have to make a kid now. :P When they are more independent, I can devote more time to the community. Perhaps I'd have a part-time nanny from Pakistan, so my kids can learn Urdu from her, and also I could get a break to shop, go to gym, etc.
---
an example schedule:
26-30 schooling/travel/make friends/learn skills
age 29.0 expecting #1
age 29.9 baby
30.9 baby #1 is 12 months old. expecting #2
31.6 baby #2 born, baby 1 is 21 months old
32.6 baby #1 is 2 years 9 months, and baby #2 is 1.
33.9 baby #1 is 4 years old. Can start preschool. baby #2 is 2 years 3 mo old.
35.9 baby #1 is 6 years old. Can start preschool. baby #2 is 4 years 3 mo old (both are in school)
so if i want to be SAHM with kids until they start school, i would have to be SAHM for 6 years. EEkk...total career killer...then i'd have to be SAHM for the rest of my life...which is dumb because i will have nothing to do but wait for kids to come home.
added: i found out if i live in dubai, school starts from "KG-1" meaning Age 3. And they have Pakistani schools too. So at age 34.6, I could send both kids to school, so I would only have to stay home for 4 years 9 months.
Hmm...still a pretty big gap. And then if I want two more kids, I would have to stay home even longer. Those early years are so important, i definitely want to stay home, but i wish those few years of dedication didn't mean a whole lifetime of career dead. hmm...thinking..
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Goals
1. Gain admission in a graduate degree program or get a regular job.
2. Become more beautiful--even toned skin, more fat, braces.
3. Pay off my credit card debt.
4. DAS
5. Make at least one good female friend. But really, would love to have a group of 2 or 3.
2. Become more beautiful--even toned skin, more fat, braces.
3. Pay off my credit card debt.
4. DAS
5. Make at least one good female friend. But really, would love to have a group of 2 or 3.
Movies i want to see
love actually
before sunset
after sunset
500 days of summer
bend it like beckham
the proposal
american chai
the joy luck club
how to lose a guy in 10 days
under the tuscan sun
you've got mail
bridget jones diary
there's something about mary
four weddings and a funeral
p.s. i love you
the princess bride
my big fat greek wedding
Jamón, jamón
volver
before sunset
after sunset
500 days of summer
bend it like beckham
the proposal
american chai
the joy luck club
how to lose a guy in 10 days
under the tuscan sun
you've got mail
bridget jones diary
there's something about mary
four weddings and a funeral
p.s. i love you
the princess bride
my big fat greek wedding
Jamón, jamón
volver
Recipes to try
I think i made a table of this in the computer, to avoid duplication i will post it here tomorrow.
sites i'm on
i'm on way too many sites and i need to pare it down a bit.
- amazon
- ebay/half.com
- paypal
- craigslist
- gmail (2 accts)
- hotmail
- yahoo
- ---.edu
- xanga--from 5 years back, with about 10 entries in it. have to find out url and pw
- snapfish
- fotopic
- hi5 i never use it, have to delete that account
- friendster...that was like 5 years back but i should find the pw and delete
- naseeb
- shaadi
- gee ess
- 43t (need to find n delete acct)
- allrecipes
- raza.com
- travbuddy
- IL
purpose of this blog
the purpose of this blog is to organize my life and thoughts. this is just for me so i am not worried about being politically correct, using the right grammar, spelling, etc. also i wanted to make a blogspot account because sometimes i want to comment on a blog and only comments from blogspot people are permitted. in four months, i will be 26 and my goal is to accomplish many of my goals.
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