ideal guy

obviously wouldn't be this picky in real life..but just to write it out.

1.Religion- Not too religious or too liberal. not the type who says birthdays are bidat, mehndis are bidat, short sleeves are bad, etc. but not the type who drinks either
2.Looks--taller than me in heels, on the slim side, average complexion. and a sharp nose looks really attractive..but it's a weird thing to like...i wud wither in shame if anyone knew i like this weird feature lol
3.Location--doesnt matter but must have spent a few years abroad so we have some experiences in common. I can settle in US, Canada, UK, UAE, etc. for the right person...it is not a big deal for me. Actually I am interested in moving out of my state so I'd prefer not to settle here.
4. Wife working-OK with wife pursuing education or working outside home after marriage.
5.Wife stay at home- if i stay at home after marriage, wouldn't call it "just sitting around at home all day". Would respect it like any other 'outside the home' job.
6. Chores-- he can't be like A & H!! they are soo annoying. leaving beard hair and water all over the counter, dirty dishes under the sofa, etc. i am not even super picky, i leave bed unmade and clothes in the laundry basket, but those things don't affect other people. it's not just a matter of picking up dishes, it's just being inconsiderate because it means you don't even have consideration for other people's time. oh god this annoys me so much...seriously...i would rather have a hubby make 100k vs 200k rather than have one that is a slob.
7. hygiene- if he smells offensive like A, it doesn't matter about the other personality traits, he's out! A guy doesn't need cologne or anything fancy, simply BEING CLEAN is nice. he should have clean hair (no greasy smelly hair), clean nails (no super long nails with tons of black stuff under them), and he should definitely brush his teeth at night. Tongue scraper and floss is a bonus but i can't ask that. He doesn't have to have a colgate smile, just no nasty black lines in his teeth or loose gums like ppl in Pakistan have.
8. Admits mistakes and apologizes. Not grudgy.
9. Straightforward, doesn't give the silent treatment for two months and expect me to figure out what's going on.
10. No addictions like computers, dungeons and dragons, girls, alcohol, etc.
11.Social skills-- it's ok if he's a little bit shy, but he shouldn't be the type of guy who can't carry a convo, hates it when mehmaan come over, who can't stand having relatives stay in the house, etc.
12.Space- No clingy insecure types. if he's the type who gets jealous or mopey if i go out for an evening alone or for a week to my parents house, that is not cool. I would give him the same space too, if he wants to go for a weekend fishing or whatever, or wants me to leave the house when his friends come over, it doesn't bother me. if he friends his girl cousin on facebook, i am not going to launch an investigation. i don't think spouses should suffocate each other. Also doesn't call me every hour (but is still caring and loving).
13.Money (joint or separate accounts)--not sure about this. 2 working spouses can have a joint account and then their own separate accounts, however mom has a separate account and daddy becomes very cheap sometimes...he gets insecure even if mom has $200 in her account and hides his card. and we can't even say anything cuz then he'll be like "i pay the rent". so mom doesn't save any of her paycheck, it is depleted every month and then dad's card is used which i think is not nice at all. but mom doesn't care, she is very generous with her money.
hopefully my husband won't be like dad in this regard. with a good spouse, we could have a joint account and we wouldn't question each other's purchases. especially as a SAHM, it would be really annoying to spend, say, $20 on a shirt and then have it questioned...it would make me feel like a child. maybe i would ask for a small 'stipend' for myself so i won't feel weird buying gifts for hubby from a 'joint account'. i rem when we were little, when we bought gifts for father's day, daddy used to just say "oh u got it from my account anyway, just return it"...i don't think that's nice. so if i'm sahm, separate account.
14.Money (attitudes)--i'm the type of person who likes to save money, buy things on clearance, drive cheap cars, dry my clothes outside, etc. but i splurge on food, travel and gifts. it's ok if the hubby is different (eg. loves fashion, fancy cars, etc) as long as we save a little bit of our income each month. Not the type who has creditors calling every month.
15. ABCD or FOB- I like ABCDs because they have a more egalitarian view of things, for example, they don't mind helping out around the house. Also, their moms are a lot more understanding since their own daughters are like me. And they probably work themselves so they usually don't have unrealistic desi-style expectations of their bahu. But I love how FOBs (not the fresh ones, more like the ones who've been here a decade) are able to fit in perfectly with both 'worlds'. also, they seem to have more drive and ambition. ugh.. my ideal would be a fob who has been here long enough that he helps out, isn't controlling, and doesn't want joint family setup.
16. Visa- it would be super annoying to get married and then wait 3, 4 years for visa or whatever to clear. sponsorship is ok but i don't wanna marry a guy who can't even enter the US.
17. Joint family- even next door is ok, but same house definitely not!
18. Compatible mom- i think the mom is most important in having a happy relation with the family so I want her to be like a good friend or aunt, not someone i feel awkward around. Basically someone like S's MIL (or i guess, my image of her)...she seems very reasonable, easy to talk to, and level headed and said from the outset that she raised her children to be independent and while they are close, she wants them to live in their own house. I found her not to be very girly and a little brusque before, but now I find her perfect. :)
19. Not too 'gushy'- most girls usually gush over a guy who texts them every hour but that would annoy me...i don't like the overly effusive guys either who are like "love you xoxoxkiskisksi" in every sentence. mooshiness is ok but i always see the slutty girls being the most verbal about their love. i thin real love is the type that one can sense just sitting together or by caring things you do.

Rating for M:

++same level of religious practice, compatible height, location is ok, ok with sahm, neat, good hygiene, not grudgy, not addicted to computers, gives me space, really caring, seems generous with money, balanced between ABCD and FOB, not gushy but really loving.

-- iffy about wife working after kids, not a conversationalist, visa problem for the last 3 years, seems pampered so won't do chores, he wants to live in joint family, and has a really sheltered mom. the biggest negative, BY FAR, is the joint family thing...i feel ehhh inside when i think of it. i try to get happy for him, but i've never really liked the idea. maybe will write a post about why later...

CELTA

London

airfare $750
course $1630 (language link £960. wlc £975, oxford £880, saxon£950, stanton £824)
accomodation at £20 a dayx 30 days=£600 $978
food $142

TOTAL =$3500
------------------------------
Spain

valencia http://www.campbellcollege.com/default.asp?id=4&mnu=4
airfare $700
course €1,470--$2184
accomodation 300€ --$446
food 450€ --$670

TOTAL= $4000

sevilla
airfare $700
course 1490 €--$2215
accomodation 520 €--$775
food 450€ --$670

TOTAL =$4360
--------------------
Ecuador
http://www.celtaecuador.com/southern-cross/course-dates-locations-&-cost/
airfare $300
course+accomodation+food $2000
TOTAL =$2300
------------------
Mexico
http://www.cactustefl.com/tefl/course.php?course_id=1701#applynow
course $1795
accomodation $600 (shared room, no food)
food $300
airfare $200
total= $2895
http://www.ihrivieramaya.com/celta/course-information.html
Same as above
------
Scotland
Starts Nov 16
basilpaterson.co.uk
$1440/£975 course
$648/£440 acco (
$148 /£100 food
$800 air
total =$3036

theshapeofamother.com

ok i went on this site and it freaked me out looking at post partum bellies! i guess it's a sad thing, but now that i think about it, i am not used to those bellies at all. i used to think that as long as women worked out and ate well, their stomach would look decent afterwards. But even the teenage moms (who have the best elasticity) have really distorted stomachs. I mean, OBVIOUSLY, they would given that they had another HUMAN in their belly for almost a year but i didn't think of it. i just thought a person could do a lot of situps or something and it would be good. If im a woman and acting shocked at these pics, then imagine how guys feel...i feel so bad thinking of a husband, already tired of his wife being preg for months, and then he sees the post-preg body and he's disappointed...arghh...im gonna try to show my hubby pics like this in advance so he doesn't have inflated expectations.

a 17 yr old girl: http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/a-mothers-body-at-a-young-age-anonymous/

a lady with 4 kids: http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/my-body-is-wrecked-elizabeth/

22 yo mom with twin boys: http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/22-years-old-three-beautiful-kids-andree/

sz 0 to 5 no stretchmarks but pooch http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/from-size-0-to-5-nancy/

A NICE BOD POST PARTUM http://theshapeofamother.com/blog/update-3-months-after-delivering-a-baby-boy-anonymous/comment-page-1/#comment-15624

anyway if i have a kid, i don't care if i gain weight bc his health is more important than my looks. plus i don't like those obsessive scrawny moms. but i would feel bad if hubby was grossed out by a stretchmark or something.

My ideal life at 50

At 50, I would still be very youthful, vibrant, and content with my life. I would have a caring husband and four well adjusted, healthy kids. Hopefully two of them would be in college by this time. I don't want to have little elementary school kids at this age, it's better if menopause and their angsty years don't coincide! The schedule would be everyone at school/work during the day, and in the evening i would make dinner, talk to the kids, and do house errands. Or perhaps i'd be efficient and set one day aside. I'm not sure if my in-laws live with us in this picture; if they do, we need a bigger house. Hopefully my job would have some 'giving back' aspect to it. In the summers...well i want to marry a fob..so we could take trips to Pakistan lol...but probably we would go to weddings.

At 40, my kids would be in elementary or junior high. Because if they're in high school, i'd have to make a kid now. :P When they are more independent, I can devote more time to the community. Perhaps I'd have a part-time nanny from Pakistan, so my kids can learn Urdu from her, and also I could get a break to shop, go to gym, etc.
---
an example schedule:

26-30 schooling/travel/make friends/learn skills
age 29.0 expecting #1
age 29.9 baby
30.9 baby #1 is 12 months old. expecting #2
31.6 baby #2 born, baby 1 is 21 months old
32.6 baby #1 is 2 years 9 months, and baby #2 is 1.
33.9 baby #1 is 4 years old. Can start preschool. baby #2 is 2 years 3 mo old.
35.9 baby #1 is 6 years old. Can start preschool. baby #2 is 4 years 3 mo old (both are in school)

so if i want to be SAHM with kids until they start school, i would have to be SAHM for 6 years. EEkk...total career killer...then i'd have to be SAHM for the rest of my life...which is dumb because i will have nothing to do but wait for kids to come home.

added: i found out if i live in dubai, school starts from "KG-1" meaning Age 3. And they have Pakistani schools too. So at age 34.6, I could send both kids to school, so I would only have to stay home for 4 years 9 months.

Hmm...still a pretty big gap. And then if I want two more kids, I would have to stay home even longer. Those early years are so important, i definitely want to stay home, but i wish those few years of dedication didn't mean a whole lifetime of career dead. hmm...thinking..

Goals

1. Gain admission in a graduate degree program or get a regular job.
2. Become more beautiful--even toned skin, more fat, braces.
3. Pay off my credit card debt.
4. DAS
5. Make at least one good female friend. But really, would love to have a group of 2 or 3.

Movies i want to see

love actually
before sunset
after sunset
500 days of summer
bend it like beckham
the proposal
american chai
the joy luck club
how to lose a guy in 10 days
under the tuscan sun
you've got mail
bridget jones diary
there's something about mary
four weddings and a funeral
p.s. i love you
the princess bride
my big fat greek wedding
Jamón, jamón
volver

Books to read

1. a
2. f
3. e
4. f
5. f
6. f
7. f
8. f
9. f
10. ff
11. f
12. f
    

Recipes to try

I think i made a table of this in the computer, to avoid duplication i will post it here tomorrow.

sites i'm on

i'm on way too many sites and i need to pare it down a bit.

1. facebook
2. amazon
3. ebay/half.com
4. paypal
5. craigslist
   
6. gmail (2 accts)
7. hotmail
8. yahoo
9. ---.edu
   
10. xanga--from 5 years back, with about 10 entries in it. have to find out url and pw
11. snapfish
12. fotopic
13. hi5 i never use it, have to delete that account
14. friendster...that was like 5 years back but i should find the pw and delete
    
15. naseeb
    
16. shaadi
    
17. gee ess
    
18. 43t (need to find n delete acct)
19. allrecipes
20. raza.com
21. travbuddy
22. IL
    

purpose of this blog

the purpose of this blog is to organize my life and thoughts. this is just for me so i am not worried about being politically correct, using the right grammar, spelling, etc. also i wanted to make a blogspot account because sometimes i want to comment on a blog and only comments from blogspot people are permitted. in four months, i will be 26 and my goal is to accomplish many of my goals.