Assimilation or isolation?

I think there are three choices for Pakistanis living in the West.

1. Remain mostly isolated from non-Pakistanis, only socializing with them at school or work. All close friends are Pakistanis or 'at least', other desis or Muslims. --most immigrants do this.

2. Socialize with both Pakistanis and non-Pakistanis but maintain a separate 'personality' around both. ---This is what most ABCDs seem to do.

3. Assimilate into Western society, retaining a few cultural 'artifacts' like clothing or food.--the children of ABCDs will probably do this.

4. Me--isolated from Pakistanis due to location and non-Pakistanis due to cultural difference and parental controls.

The thing is, growing up here, I couldn't go out with any friends on the weekends. The only time I went outside was to desi 'dawats'. Even if I could, I guess I wouldn't have much in common with anyone. After all, I didn't watch movies (since i found most 'haram' at the time), i didn't know anything about music, and i didn't have money to even go out to restaurants with other people. And I couldn't go to the school dance obviously. Not that I wanted to, but my point is that desi norms are really maladapted to American society. I think parents don't understand how isolating it is to go through all of high school without being able to hang out with another person outside of school. I mean, all the American friends are upsetting to Pakistani parents, but if a person is living in a town with only white people, this means that there is no socialization possible for the majority of the year. On the weekends, we used to drive far distances to meet other Pakistanis. Most of them had figured out how to live a double life. But this feels dishonest. I didn't do this. Many white people were really nice to me, invited me to basketball games, to hang out, etc. but daddy never let me. One time I went, and he was completely out of control. So I resigned myself to not going and basically I became a loner. But not a shy loner. A weird type...outgoing, friendly...yet still alone all the time.

I am happy I live in the States, because I've gotten a lot of opportunities here, but I really wish I lived in a place with majority Pakistanis now. I used to have a great rapport with my white friends at work, but due to not being able to socialize enough with them in my formative teen years, I still feel more comfortable around other ABCDs or FOBs. It's a very small subset of people to feel comfortable around and it almost seems unnatural.

I guess I sound really 'ABCD' here...but I really don't want to raise my kids this way. Now I'm 'grown up' and even though there are thousands of people my age around me, whenever I hang out with them it always gets weird because of the cultural difference. Inevitably, everyone my age wants to go clubbing or out to a bar for a few drinks. But I don't go clubbing or drink...and i'm not looking for a boyfriend either...so i end up erasing a lot of potential common ground with ppl my age. I think in places like Toronto people don't feel this 'ABCDness' as acutely, because they are surrounded by other Pakistani people, but here I'm the only desi for miles and miles.

I just want someone to go out to coffee with, go shopping, go to a restaurant, gym, etc. but it's hard to find. I think people want a friend who ideally can accompany them in all social situations. I know I am lacking since I have a strict curfew and I don't drink or dance. Only other desis and Muslims understand that I can't be out at 3 am. But where am I going to meet someone like this 'naturally' when they don't live here?

All I want is a group of friends who understand my situation, who could spend time with me, who could dance on my mehndi, and help with stuff. I am trying to apply out of state for a master's degree. Sure I can do it here, or even online, but inside, I really want to do a degree for the opportunity to make some lifelong friends. I don't know what this life is without friends. I hate my dad's artificial exterior...he has tons of acquaintances who like him, but no one is his close friend. I feel like his strict rules have made me into that same person. But I am not that personality. I don't want to be a respected but aloof person...I want to be a kind person with a lot of friends. I feel I am kind...but a loner :(